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A Secret Weapon for Mental Flexibility— 3rd Person Self-Talk
“How is Beth today?”
That was the question my therapist asked, every week, when I saw her during my battle with post-natal depression.
She never asked, “How are you today?”
What was more interesting about the question, was my inner voice’s response.
I would hear in a sarcastic tone: “I don’t know, how IS Beth today?”
I never thought about myself in the 3rd person. After all, in my mind, I am myself, not “Beth”. But Beth is my name, so this question, “how is Beth today”, tickled my mind’s curiosity which required my mind to find an answer. So, every week when my therapist asked, “how is Beth today”, in an instant, I was asking my mind the very same question.
Looks like my therapist knew what she was doing. It would be nearly 10 years later for me to realise she was equipping me with the secret weapon of, 3rd Person Self-Talk.
It’s a secret weapon for two reasons.
First, 3rd person self-talk facilitates emotion regulation.
For example, when we reflect on emotional experiences using the first person (I or me), we feel those experiences, personally. “I felt guilty for not having my homework.”
But when we reflect using our proper name, or in 3rd person, our emotions are no longer personal.
For example: “Beth felt guilty for not having her homework.”
When we psychologically distance ourselves, (meaning referring to ourselves in the 3rd person), our emotional responses are regulated in the brain and we can view our thoughts from a different perspective.
This is because, almost everyone uses proper names to refer to other people. In our minds, when we think of others, we “couple” the association of the name with the other person. So, when we use 3rd person self-talk, our emotions are now represented in the same way as if we were reflecting on another. And this helps us to see things from a different perspective.
Which brings me to the second reason 3rd person self-talk is a secret weapon. No effort.
